“Very few people do this any more. It’s too risky. First of all, it’s a hell of a responsibility to be yourself. It’s much easier to be somebody else or nobody at all.” Sylvia Plath
Oscar Wilde once said “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
As funny as this might seem, it’s a basic truth.
However, how can you be yourself if you don’t know, understand, and accept yourself first?
Think about what kinds of things you would or wouldn’t like to do, and act accordingly. Find out through trial and error.
That doesn’t mean you should go and do something illegal or morally wrong, all in the name of ‘finding yourself.’
You can take personality tests, but be careful to only take what you want from them so that you do not let such tests define you.
Forget about the past.
“You can not move to the next chapter of your life, if you don’t turn the page.” Unknown.
You move farther and farther away from self-realisation if you keep fixating on the past.
Instead of spending the rest of your life trying to still be that person from the past; rather be that someone who is still you, but grows with the passing of each day.
Grow; to improve and to become wiser.
Forgive yourself for past errors and past behaviours that you’re not so proud of.
Accept that everyone makes mistakes and bad choices and that they’re all in the past, understand that you can’t change the past but you can try your best too make sure it doesn’t happen again.
People that do not believe in change. People that expect you to live your life through their expectations of you. The “you Should…”
“you ought…” and the “you Have-to…” people.
These are the people that are incapable of taking on new ideas, learning from others, or growing.
Growth in every new stage of our lives is an essential part of being true to ourselves and to being emotionally healthy and whole.
Try Not To Care So Much
Stop caring about how people see you. Some of them will like you and some of them won’t. It’s almost always impossible to be yourself when you’re caught up in constantly wondering:
“Do they think I’m nice?”
“Does he think I’m fat?”
“Do they think I’m a SLUT?”
“Am I good enough for them?”
“Am I clever enough to be friends with them?”
“If you end up with a boring miserable life because you listened to your mom, your dad, your teacher, your priest, or some guy on television telling you how to do your shit, then you deserve it.” Frank Zappa
It’s impossible to please everyone or for everyone to like you. It’s simple logic, if you change yourself so a person or group of people like you, another person or group may not like you, and you go on and on repeating the vicious cycle trying to please everyone.
When you could be building up your talents and strengths you’d be too busy being a people-pleaser.
As Eleanor Roosevelt said once, “no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
Don’t get me wrong. This doesn’t mean that no one’s opinion in life matters though. Just be weary of opinions from people who could steer you down the wrong path, even those from people who mean well.
Don’t Lie To Yourself.
We’re all imperfect.
“Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it’s better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.” Marilyn Monroe
Be honest; but don’t beat yourself up;
There is a clear difference between being critical and being honest; learn to watch the things you say to yourself ‘cus you are what you think you are.
Say things to yourself like; “I may not be a size 10, but I am so damn Beautiful.”
“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.” Maya Angelou
Stop worrying about all the bad things that could happen. So what if you fall flat on your face in a social gathering? You get back up, laugh over it and stand tall.
“Always be a first rate version of yourself and not a second rate version of someone else.” Judy Garland
Stop comparing yourself to others. If you’re always striving to be someone other than yourself, you’ll never be truly happy.
By comparing yourself with others; you make them your mirror, you give them way too much importance than they deserve.
Love yourself as you are, embrace every single flaw you have.
Never stop looking for your own strengths.
“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson